I received an unusual email last week where the writer begged me to please write about ‘why I marry my wife, Sade Olomu’. Well, the major re...
I received an unusual email last week where the writer begged me to please write about ‘why I marry my wife, Sade Olomu’. Well, the major reason I married her was because of her strength of character.
Nothing complements and balances up a man’s life like the beauty of having a good companion. However, finding true love isn’t as easy as it look in the movies and novels. My personal experience taught me that the first factor to consider before making a lifetime commitment is to make a background check on the person, especially regarding what beliefs she holds dear. It is imperative to know that relationships last longer when both partners share basic beliefs in such matters as religion, money, sex, parenting and social values.
One of the greatest problems of my generations’ relationship is that we don’t care about our partners’ background these days. In those days, if you would tell your parents that you want to marry somebody, the first thing they will do is to make a background check. That is, what kind of background is that person coming from? As individuals, we are all complex people who have been shaped by our backgrounds, upbringing and experiences in life. But when we are in love, we just don’t care. We see it as a non-issue whereas it is really a big issue.
Another important issue you must not brush aside is that person’s values. For example, I know many ladies who will never marry those fraudsters that abound in London and the 419ers in Nigeria because to them, they are nothing but thieves. Some ladies are of the opinion that people like that have no values. But there are also some girls who will do anything to marry them. The question is, are you happy with that person’s values?
Also, what are the habits of the person and can you cope with them? Don’t live in the fantasy island of ‘she/he will stop the bad habit after marriage.’ If you can’t live with it now you must not complain about it after marriage. You must also know the likes and dislikes of that person. Ladies, please I will like to add, never exhibit “man wanted quick attitude” because it is totally embarrassing. You just have to wait on the LORD regardless, and He will give you the desires of your heart.
Learn to accept your spouse for who he/she is; don’t try to change him/her to be “FIT FOR PURPOSE.” According to Figueroa-Faxton in her book, “Getting him, keeping him, making it work,” she explains that “In some cases you may be able to encourage your partner to alter few of his annoying habits. But remember, some things are beyond a person’s control and you cannot force him to change what can’t be changed.” Learn to accept reality! Some people will never change. It took them all their years to get to where they are. If your happiness depends on people changing then you must be living in ‘Fantasy Island.’ You can waste years complaining, causing rifts and driving yourself crazy, or you can adjust your expectations to reality and be a lot happier.
You need to take time and be clear and write down all the qualities that you are looking for in a person and commit it into God’s hand. Before I married my wife, I wrote down the qualities and the profile of the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I wanted a lady who is God fearing and a good Christian. I wanted a lady who has good home training with strong moral values. I wanted a lady who is a good cook; because “the way to a man heart is through his stomach.” I wanted a lady who is a good communicator, who is affectionate, a positive thinker, emotional secure and self motivated. I wanted a lady with a strong sense of being rooted in her. I wanted a lady who is beautiful both outward and inward. I wanted a lady with whom I can share an emotional bond with, a lady with good moral and spiritual values who is a blessing to womanhood. A lady who is always trying to improve her mind, body and soul and who is willing to work hard for things she wants. All these, I found in my lovely wife and that is why today, she is Mrs SADE OLOMU. She is one of my greatest gifts from God.
Nothing complements and balances up a man’s life like the beauty of having a good companion. However, finding true love isn’t as easy as it look in the movies and novels. My personal experience taught me that the first factor to consider before making a lifetime commitment is to make a background check on the person, especially regarding what beliefs she holds dear. It is imperative to know that relationships last longer when both partners share basic beliefs in such matters as religion, money, sex, parenting and social values.
One of the greatest problems of my generations’ relationship is that we don’t care about our partners’ background these days. In those days, if you would tell your parents that you want to marry somebody, the first thing they will do is to make a background check. That is, what kind of background is that person coming from? As individuals, we are all complex people who have been shaped by our backgrounds, upbringing and experiences in life. But when we are in love, we just don’t care. We see it as a non-issue whereas it is really a big issue.
Another important issue you must not brush aside is that person’s values. For example, I know many ladies who will never marry those fraudsters that abound in London and the 419ers in Nigeria because to them, they are nothing but thieves. Some ladies are of the opinion that people like that have no values. But there are also some girls who will do anything to marry them. The question is, are you happy with that person’s values?
Also, what are the habits of the person and can you cope with them? Don’t live in the fantasy island of ‘she/he will stop the bad habit after marriage.’ If you can’t live with it now you must not complain about it after marriage. You must also know the likes and dislikes of that person. Ladies, please I will like to add, never exhibit “man wanted quick attitude” because it is totally embarrassing. You just have to wait on the LORD regardless, and He will give you the desires of your heart.
Learn to accept your spouse for who he/she is; don’t try to change him/her to be “FIT FOR PURPOSE.” According to Figueroa-Faxton in her book, “Getting him, keeping him, making it work,” she explains that “In some cases you may be able to encourage your partner to alter few of his annoying habits. But remember, some things are beyond a person’s control and you cannot force him to change what can’t be changed.” Learn to accept reality! Some people will never change. It took them all their years to get to where they are. If your happiness depends on people changing then you must be living in ‘Fantasy Island.’ You can waste years complaining, causing rifts and driving yourself crazy, or you can adjust your expectations to reality and be a lot happier.
You need to take time and be clear and write down all the qualities that you are looking for in a person and commit it into God’s hand. Before I married my wife, I wrote down the qualities and the profile of the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I wanted a lady who is God fearing and a good Christian. I wanted a lady who has good home training with strong moral values. I wanted a lady who is a good cook; because “the way to a man heart is through his stomach.” I wanted a lady who is a good communicator, who is affectionate, a positive thinker, emotional secure and self motivated. I wanted a lady with a strong sense of being rooted in her. I wanted a lady who is beautiful both outward and inward. I wanted a lady with whom I can share an emotional bond with, a lady with good moral and spiritual values who is a blessing to womanhood. A lady who is always trying to improve her mind, body and soul and who is willing to work hard for things she wants. All these, I found in my lovely wife and that is why today, she is Mrs SADE OLOMU. She is one of my greatest gifts from God.
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