The first strategy is diplomacy. Diplomacy means tact and skill in dealing with people. You need tact and skill to deal with your spouse...
The first strategy is diplomacy. Diplomacy means tact and skill
in dealing with people. You need tact and skill to deal with your spouse.
Marriage is not about logic or facts. It is about emotions and you have to be
diplomatic to handle matters of emotions.
There are two kinds of people, those who stop and think, and
those who talk and think. Always think things through before you speak. If you
tell somebody what you think before you've really thought it through, you'll be
in trouble for sure. Sometimes not everything needs to be said. Some things
should be kept to yourself. Remember, a fool vents all his feelings but a wise
man holds back.
The second is acceptance. In a marriage you must learn to accept
your spouse for who he/she is; don't try to change him/her to be SUIT YOUR
PURPOSE. "In some cases you may be able to encourage your partner to alter
few of his annoying habits. But remember, some things are beyond a person's
control and you cannot force him to change what can't be changed" said
Figueroa-Faxton in her book titled "Getting Him, Keeping Him, MAKING it
Work."
Learn to accept reality! Some people will never change. It took
them all their life to get to where they are. If your happiness depends on
people changing then you must be living in fantasyland. You can waste years
complaining, causing rifts and driving yourself crazy. Or you can adjust your
expectations to reality and be a lot happier.
The third strategy is that you must love your partner and also
love yourself. If you don't love yourself, it would be difficult to give love
to anybody because you cannot give what you do not have. Before embarking on a
relationship, one very important factor deeply emphasised by relationship
experts, clinical psychologist, spiritual guidance counsellor and
modest-but-wise people who have found peace within themselves in the course of
their existence, is 'Love yourself, discover yourself and love that person you
are.' You cannot give or receive love if you don't first of all love who you
are.
'In order to become someone else's soul-mate, you must first be
your own,' says Drs Derek Hopson and Darlene Powel Hopson in their book,
"Friends, Lovers & Soul-mate". 'If you don't care about yourself,
how can you develop a relationship where someone else cares for you. Unless you
accept that you are worthy of good treatment why should anyone else believe
it.' If you don't love yourself, discover yourself and know what you want from
life and in a marriage, instead of you being a partner or player, you will be
played like a ball. This is truth and nothing but the truth.
The final strategy for a successful marriage is opportunity for
growth. I used this word in my book "4 Indispensable Strategies for
Success" and it is applicable to marriage too. Little quarrel will occur
in marriage; therefore, don't even consider quitting when things are bad.
Remember your marriage vows. - For better for worse. It is a lifetime
commitment. In marriage more things are forgotten than are ever resolved. As
long as you are an imperfect person, living with an imperfect person, you will
spend your life learning to forgive one another and love one another "in
spite of". Like my friend Simon Figgs once said, "if your spouse is a
perfect person he/she will not be with you."
The key to resolving differences in marriage lies in your
ability to communicate effectively with each other. Communication is the key to
unlocking almost any relationship problem however severe. Communicate more,
partners are told, and things will get better.
Wedding involves many people but marriage involves two people
who have agreed to become one. Marriage is like a flower, if well nurtured, it
will grow well like the tendered flower by the side of the river. If you don't
keep growing together - you'll grow apart. It's inevitable; it's sad, but after
five years of marriage, the only thing some couples have in common is their
wedding day. Some marriages may be made in heaven, but their maintenance must
be done here on earth.
Conclusion
Wedding involves many people but marriage involves two people
who have agreed to become one. Marriage is like a flower. If well nurtured, it
will grow well like the tendered flower by the side of the river. I pray that
your marriage will blossom like the well-tendered flower by the side of the
river in the might name of God.
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